


What was?

by LillithMiles



Series: What was? [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Mickey Milkovich-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 12:50:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16892940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillithMiles/pseuds/LillithMiles
Summary: A look into Mickey’s thoughts after coming back to Ian one last time.





	What was?

**Author's Note:**

> So I have a lot of feelings about these two and their ending practically killed me. I had to get some feelings out of my chest.  
> Also, I stopped watching Shameless in season 4, so there might be some OOC-ness. I caught up with Gallavich watching only their episodes in seasons 7 and 9 (skipped 5 because reasons) so I tried to mention only things I've watched or knew about it through fanvids and gifsets.  
> Also also: this is unbetaed and English isn't my first language, but I think I did a good enough job and it's at least understandable.

They didn't fuck that first night. They didn't do much of anything, really, but holding each other. Mickey could hear Ian murmur apologies over and over against the skin of his neck, but he felt like the red head wasn't really aware he was saying anything. The hold Ian had on him also spoke volumes. His grip on Mickey’s arms and eventually his middle never relax during the night. Mickey got the impression that _he_ also didn't.

 

They didn't fuck but they didn't talk either. Except for Ian's whispered apologies, nothing was really said. And Mickey wasn't sure he wanted to hear or say anything. Their history was so complicated, so many bad things had happened, done by others and themselves… Mickey would have a hard time admitting it, but he was afraid to talk to Ian. Real talk, opened hearts and all that shit. He remembered their relationship (if it could be called that). They mostly fought and fucked. It was simple.

 

But maybe that was the reason why everything went to shit so spectacularly. Maybe they should have tried to be more open about their feelings (and Mickey couldn't believe he was admitting that to himself) since the beginning. Or maybe they simply weren't meant to be and chasing after each other would only make them hurt more.

 

Mickey sighed and looked up, at the bottom of the top bed. His hand softly ran through Ian's hair and he felt the other man snuggling even closer. It was moments like these that gave him pause. There were many times when they were together and when they were not that made Mickey wonder why he was putting himself through that. He remembered distinctively the time when Ian visited him in jail and said it was because Mandy told him to. He remembered very well how it hurt to hear that.

 

He knew some of Ian's actions were results of his bipolar disorder. But that didn't lessen the sting. And there was other things too. The porno situation still bothered him, the fact that Ian danced in a gay club wearing just golden shorts still bothered him, him fucking older men still bothered him. Ian had been the first person he ever loved. Maybe he was being blinded by that. Maybe that was the reason why he cling to him so much… The memories of their beginning came back, filling him with warmth and the arm around Ian's waist tightened. It was good that he was used to carrying heavy stuff, since Ian had decided to sleep literally on top of him.

 

He remembered saying, all those years back, that he wouldn't be chasing after Ian like some bitch, but that was exactly what he did. The second time he was sent to juvie, after Ian disappeared and he found him on that fucking club, when he broke out of jail and now, coming back to it… On the worse days in prison, he resented Ian to the point where, if given the opportunity, he would kick his teeth in. He remembered all the bad times, the bad things, the fights, the hurt, the fear. But even all that wasn't enough to keep him away. The way he felt when they were together surpassed everything. Even now, thinking about it, he couldn't regret coming back to Ian. None of the times he did. And if this wasn't love, what was?


End file.
